We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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