I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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