It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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