I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
