remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
