She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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