I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
