My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
