We are two peas in an std pod
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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