He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I deserve this hangover.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
