On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
