Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
