I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
