guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
