I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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