I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
