and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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