Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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