Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
