mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
