i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
