The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
