lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
