sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
