I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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