i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Enjoy the penises
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize