if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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