Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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