today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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