dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
