The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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