Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
