You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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