if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
