Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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