You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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