Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
