i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
