Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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