The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
is wine microwaveable?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
