my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
