hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
