Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
