Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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