So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hippo gnu deer
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need a beard to bite.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
