He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
