i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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