one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
