chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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