Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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