got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
