The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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