Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
