Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
